nonelikerae:

"Having an orgasm at least 3 times a week reduces your likelihood of dying from heart disease by 50%.”

Someone, quick, help save my life.

know your father.

kayleeseranada:

celebritiesandmovies:

The joke that Bender tells but never finishes (while crawling through the ceiling) actually has no punchline. According to Judd Nelson, he ad-libbed the line. Originally, he was supposed to tell a joke that would end when he came back into the library and said, “Forgot my pencil”, but no one could come up with a joke for that punchline.

Did they just make up this entire movie on the spot.

notkatniss:

I’m so relieved that Quentin Tarantino is a filmmaker and not a serial killer

bagellie:

benefits of being friends with me

  • shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
  • shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them

peachpup:

i’m writing a song and it’s called “do i have to?” and it’s about the rest of my life